


if you lose (you win)

by softbruise



Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: M/M, someone hug tht boy.., this is so sappy and ooc but i jst want yuuri 2 be happy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-20
Updated: 2016-11-20
Packaged: 2018-09-01 01:57:03
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,048
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8602726
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/softbruise/pseuds/softbruise
Summary: "If you don't end up on that podium, Katsuki Yuuri," says Victor, suddenly taller and colder than Yuuri has ever seen him, "I'll go back to Russia. Back to Yakov, and Yuri Plisetsky. So think long and hard about what you're about to do."
Yuuri stops dead. There is a tangible, heavy silence as he meets Victor's gaze. Victor has softened for Yuuri so many times, has given way even when Yuuri was too scared to push, has been gentle. And Yuuri had dared to think - had hoped that maybe it meant that this time, he could be worth it. He could prove himself, because Victor saw something in him that nobody else had. Because Victor didn't ever tell Yuuri that he had to live up to something in order to be somebody worth saving.





	

**Author's Note:**

> starts as coda for ep 7 and then becomes sad boys kissing

 "If you don't end up on that podium, Katsuki Yuuri," says Victor, suddenly taller and colder than Yuuri has ever seen him, "I'll go back to Russia. Back to Yakov, and Yuri Plisetsky. So think long and hard about what you're about to do."

Yuuri stops dead. There is a tangible, heavy silence as he meets Victor's gaze. Victor has softened for Yuuri so many times, has given way even when Yuuri was too scared to push, has been _gentle_. And Yuuri had dared to think - had _hoped_ that maybe it meant that this time, he could be worth it. He could prove himself, because Victor saw something in him that nobody else had. Because Victor didn't ever tell Yuuri that he had to live up to something in order to be somebody worth saving.

He doesn't realise he's crying until Victor points it out. He doesn't know what he's saying, only that he's hurt and shaking and angry. He hates being angry. He knows, he already knows that whatever happens today will be on him. But he never wanted it to be on Victor, too.

And he hadn't thought, for once - hadn't thought a little faith was too much to ask.

He breathes. Wipes away the tears. Wipes away Victor, just for a moment. Long enough to gather himself. _Come on, Yuuri._ This is skating. This is what he's good at. This is what he _does._

The moment he steps onto the ice, everything clears. He feels that same excitement, that childish joy and affection. _Hello, old friend._

First jump. Loop and flip, double by triple by quad. He takes a breath. Victor hadn't meant to hurt him - Yuuri forgets sometimes that Victor's just like all the rest of them. A kid in a grown-up's skin, figuring it out as he goes. Even Victor falls from time to time. Even Victor fucks up his jumps.

Yuuri ought to let that pedestal down a little, sometime soon. He smiles to himself, lets the music drown out the crowd and the commentators and everything except the feeling of skating and what it means to be free.

And it's that strange halfway conscious ice-dizzy mind that tells his aching body to push once more. Just a little more.

He fucks up on the angle as his skate touches down from the quad toe flip, but it doesn't matter. Four rotations, and he's up again, and he's smiling so big it hurts as he spins down into the final beats. When he blinks and breathes, he catches a heart-stopping glimpse of Victor's face, ambiguous and terrifying, before he's throwing himself forward towards the edge of the rink, skating towards Victor with all the energy left in him.

"I did good, right?" he says, despite himself - because he did, and because he wants Victor to say something, and not just stand there looking at him like that, so confusing and open.

And the next thing Yuuri knows, he's bowled over backwards, hardly registering the bruise of the impact because he could swear that at the instant of falling, Victor's lips brush his. He breathes in, and then out, and buries his face in the collar of Victor's coat.

 

\---

 

When they finish the exhausting routine of press and camera and car, he and Victor are alone in a two-person hotel room. Yuuri says, "Are you taking a shower?"

"Yeah," says Victor. He's faraway, a little lost and a little furrowed at the brow. "Yeah."

Yuuri lets him go first, and sits on the bed in a shirt and boxers scrolling through the news reports. _Katsuki Yuri Pays Homage To Coach In Silver Medal Winning Routine. Nikiforev's Protegé Katsuki Yuri Wins Silver. Crowd Favourite Katsuki Yuri --_

He closes the tab. Remembers Victor saying _if you miss the podium_ \--

Yuuri puts his phone down and stands up. Walks to the door of the bathroom and slips inside. Victor is just visible through the steamed-up shower glass, humming something familiar, arms loose at his sides. Yuuri slides open the shower door and says, "would you really have gone home if I'd lost?"

Victor looks startled, as taken aback as Yuuri's ever seen him. "I--" he starts, and swallows. Yuuri waits.

After a long moment, Victor says, "Yes."

That hurts. Yuuri had known it would, but not how much. How sharp the knife. He nods, and then realises he's in his soaking clothes and Victor is naked and suddenly he feels silly, moves to back away --

Victor grabs at his sleeve. "You awful, ridiculous boy," he says, and then pulls Yuuri in. "You think home is Russia? You think I give a single damn about any of the things I left behind for you? You think I'd resign as your coach? I flew halfway across the world because I watched you skate for three fucking minutes. I'd be a fool if I gave it up now. Would I have gone home? You are home. Skating doesn't mean anything to me anymore without you."

He thinks he might be crying, but it's hard to tell. Victor's voice isn't steady, but Yuuri hardly notices. He's breathing too hard, thinking too much. He takes a step closer, lets his forehead fall onto Victor's shoulder.

Victor says, "it's not about surprising the crowd anymore. It's about surprising _you_. If… If you'd lost I'd have followed you back to Hatetsu. If you'd lost I'd have dragged you back to the rink every day until you won."  
  
Yuuri is silent for a while. Then, he pulls together his courage: "And if I'd lost, would you still have kissed me?"

Victor stares at him blankly for three tense seconds and then leans forward and down and oh, okay. Yuuri wasn't expecting that. He lets it happen, hot and wet in the steam of the water running down their skin, and he feels -- everything. Every point of contact. Soft, and careful, and firm. Slowly, he slides his fingers up the long column of Victor's neck until he can tangle his hands in Victor's hair. When he surfaces to breathe, they're both laughing.

"You surprised me again," says Yuuri.

"Is that all I get for my trouble?" Victor asks, a breathless edge to his voice, and Yuuri leans back in and kisses him until he's quiet.

**Author's Note:**

> i am so gay and i jst want yuuri to be happy!!!!!!! and know that hes loved and important!!!!!!


End file.
